Lefty
Well-known member
Same here. Feels like a joke that was of it's time, if the time was the 1940's.
Dad Jokes - all welcome!
- Thread starter FatCat
- Start date
Same here. Feels like a joke that was of it's time, if the time was the 1940's.
Millbrook
Well-known member
The church needed a new coat of paint. The Stewardship Committee asked for bids. Jerry was a painter and really needed some work. He quickly put in a low bid to make sure he got the job. Sure enough, his low bid was chosen.
Jerry went to buy the paint and realized his bid was too low. The paint was going to cost more than his bid. Being an enterprising man, Jerry decided he would just get half as much paint as he needed and add water to it.
He got to work and started painting. It was a big job, and the Committee was impressed by his hard work. When he was nearly finished, the weather report predicted a big storm was coming in. Jerry hurried and finished the job before the storm hit.
As he listened to the rain coming down the night of the storm, he hoped his watered-down paint job would be okay. He rushed over to the church first thing in the morning. When he arrived, the sun was peeking through the clouds and shining on the church. All of the watery paint had been washed off!
Jerry was mortified! His plan had failed. What would he do now? He walked around the building, wringing his hands. His shoddy work was apparent for all to see. His reputation as a painter would be ruined and God’s House looked terrible. The money the Committee had spent on the new paint job was for nothing. Jerry’s heart was broken.
He knelt down and lifted his heart to God. “God, I am sorry! I cheated the church and I am ruined! What can I do?” Sobbing, he looked up in amazement as he heard God’s voice in answer to his prayer.
“Repaint, and thin no more!”
Jerry went to buy the paint and realized his bid was too low. The paint was going to cost more than his bid. Being an enterprising man, Jerry decided he would just get half as much paint as he needed and add water to it.
He got to work and started painting. It was a big job, and the Committee was impressed by his hard work. When he was nearly finished, the weather report predicted a big storm was coming in. Jerry hurried and finished the job before the storm hit.
As he listened to the rain coming down the night of the storm, he hoped his watered-down paint job would be okay. He rushed over to the church first thing in the morning. When he arrived, the sun was peeking through the clouds and shining on the church. All of the watery paint had been washed off!
Jerry was mortified! His plan had failed. What would he do now? He walked around the building, wringing his hands. His shoddy work was apparent for all to see. His reputation as a painter would be ruined and God’s House looked terrible. The money the Committee had spent on the new paint job was for nothing. Jerry’s heart was broken.
He knelt down and lifted his heart to God. “God, I am sorry! I cheated the church and I am ruined! What can I do?” Sobbing, he looked up in amazement as he heard God’s voice in answer to his prayer.
“Repaint, and thin no more!”
ThePrisoner
Well-known member
NorthumberlandBoro
Well-known member
The name's Pond ..
SmogOnTheTees
Well-known member
red_harrington
Well-known member
Carol Vorderman was reprimanded for refusing to give one of the players the consonant they requested while on Countdown
Her excuse was that she was in a vowel mood
Her excuse was that she was in a vowel mood
SalfordBoro
Well-known member
What do you call a woman who juggles pints of beer?
Beertricks
What do you call a woman who juggles pints of beer and plays pool at the same time?
Beertricks Potter
Beertricks
What do you call a woman who juggles pints of beer and plays pool at the same time?
Beertricks Potter
SmogOnTheTees
Well-known member
It didn't work. They asked every question except "where?".
Using that one on my kids.
Borobuddah
Well-known member
NorthumberlandBoro
Well-known member
See post 2811.
Borobuddah
Well-known member
Where you get these numbers fri?
NorthumberlandBoro
Well-known member
Right hand side in grey, below poster user name.
Millbrook
Well-known member
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife !"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night !
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of The night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John
said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John !" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised me-self. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep."
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night !
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of The night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John
said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John !" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised me-self. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep."