Dad Jokes - all welcome!

[Laughing]

https://twitter.com/x/status/1778662081643884960

I like that.

 

[Ziggy]

Trump went on a fact-finding visit to Israel. While on a tour of Jerusalem he suffered a heart attack and keeled over...pffffffffffft!
After all the hubbub at the hospital
died down the carcass was
removed to a funeral parlor.
The undertaker told the diplomats accompanying him, "You can have him shipped home for $50,000 or you can bury him here in the Holy Land for just $100."
The American diplomats huddled in
a corner to discuss these options.
They returned to the undertaker and told him they want him shipped home.
The undertaker, puzzled, asked, "Why would you spend $50K to ship him home when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $100?"
One of the diplomats replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and 3 days later he rose from the dead. We just can't take the risk."

 

[sweet_left_foot]

lovejoy division

 

[ThePrisoner]

https://twitter.com/x/status/1780196998265585915

 

[sweet_left_foot]

Where does a mansplainer get water from?

A well actually

 

[Lefty]

"Your so…”

"It’s ‘you’re"

"Let me finish. Your soliloquy on correct grammar was ill-timed"

 

[Lefty]

Baby on the bus in the seat in front peering at me over his mum's shoulder. Aww. I've drawn a little c0ck on his forehead, signed it Banksy.

 

[Brian Marwood]

I bought my Mum a new fridge at the weekend. You should have seen her face light up when she opened it.

 

[dooderooni]

Just had a massive argument with the missus about me stopping doing my flamingo impression.
I had to put my foot down.