Black dog on my shoulder

I've been battling with my thoughts again for three weeks now. The thing that caused it in the first place has gone. Resolved. But I'm still waking up with my body stiff with tension, not wanting to get out of bed, not wanting to go out. Typing this and I've got the jitters, my stomach is churning,
Done some research and it seems I'm a catastrophizer. I always make situations worse than they possibly could be.
But the problem has gone... And I still feel like this. I can have some success fighting the negative thoughts off but not the physical aspects.
But I'm getting there... I think.
 
It can be really paralyzing and the physical manifestations play havoc with your mind and feed back into the cycle consistently. In the end I gave in and accepted medication which ultimately broke the cycle and then i came off them. I still get occasional feelings but I am usually able it quickly put them back in their box and move right past them, if I pay them too much mind they can quickly snowball and Im not going down that road again if i can help it
 
Only a few times in my life have I had what I suspect was depression. Irrational thoughts, wanting to just get out and walk away from it all, butterflies that simply won't go away.
But my old fella suffered from it just about all his life and that affected us all massively. In and out of a secure hospital, suicide attempts, aggression.... really bad.

A mate in the village in his mid 60s sold his large civil eng firm for many millions and suffers from depression regualrly.
People say 'what's he got to be depressed about'

And that's one of the biggest battles. The sheer ignorance often bordering on intolerance. 'Pull yourself together' 'Stiff upper lip'
Pretty sure there'll be some reading this this thread thinking, off we go again, another one whinging.....
I hope the guys that do post about how they're feeling carry on doing it. Because apart from, hopefully, it helps them in a little way, it'll help others understand the signs and if they need it not be ashamed to get help.
 
Second completely sleepless night. Went to bed after the football finished and woke up at 12:45am. Previous night I went to bed at 11:30pm woke up at 2:50am.

I’m not going to talk about the reasons for my depressed state again. It’s an illness that won’t go away. So Is the depression. Kudos to anyone else suffering.
 
Think mental wellbeing and mental first aid should be introduced in to schools, particularly the amount of stress from SM and bullying, etc kids get. Plus its also good to expose them to the awareness of it from a young age, teach them to recognise and manage their own feelings and those of others and how to help and support in the right way. I've done a few days mental wellbeing first aid course and i really recommend it.
 
zzzzz said:
Only a few times in my life have I had what I suspect was depression. Irrational thoughts, wanting to just get out and walk away from it all, butterflies that simply won't go away.
But my old fella suffered from it just about all his life and that affected us all massively. In and out of a secure hospital, suicide attempts, aggression.... really bad.
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Sorry to read that - In the past I've been aware how I have affected friends and family with my behaviour. I'm aware of it and makes things worse that I can't pull myself out of it. It's a feeling of being completely controlled. I was getting some help at the time and my therapist pointed out that you must look after yourself first which is counterintuitive when you have a family.
 
Sorry to read this Aet, and sympathy to all on here who suffer. I think most of us have been through dark times, they're a part of life, but I'm incredibly lucky not to have been dogged with this stuff persistently. Please do keep talking about it, our mental health is so important.
 
Just woke up to a load of boxes of pills I’ve stockpiled lying by the bed. I don’t remember taking them but I must have intended to. I see from my phone I also called the Samaritans but don’t remember talking to them I guess I fell asleep before they answered.
 
Every sympathy and empathy with you, I struggle too it seems every two or three months at the moment, but making it through makes it a triumph for me these days. What works for me these days, is recognising the triggers early, not beating myself up about it and using tried and trusted coping strategies - for me reading, journal writing, music, sport (mainly watching) and cutting back on the drink.
 
Aet290204 said:
Just woke up to a load of boxes of pills I’ve stockpiled lying by the bed. I don’t remember taking them but I must have intended to. I see from my phone I also called the Samaritans but don’t remember talking to them I guess I fell asleep before they answered.
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Take care my friend and please keep posting on here (y)
 
weemoby said:
Take care my friend and please keep posting on here (y)
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I know I’m a bore. It’s too deep routed now.
I will never be right again. The nhs don’t care. I should have jumped off Huntcliff when I visited saltburn before the match on Saturday
 
Hard times all around. I've had over 2 years of anxiety, depression and stress, its tried its best to ruin my life, but I'm fighting, always fighting to carry on. Lots to look forward too, even if some things are ****. Wife about to move out, but trying to look long term and find the bright sides of whatever I can find, for example my music, this website, my dreams. F*** that black dog and anyone who is helping it.
 
Aet290204 said:
I know I’m a bore. It’s too deep routed now.
I will never be right again.
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No lad, you are not. We value you on here, we worry when you are suffering, the world will always be a better place for you being in it. I remember the pleasure I got from reading about your trip up to watch us play with your P'Boro supporting friend. I genuinely did, it made me smile. Thank you for that. Stay with it, things will get better, you will get better.

If you have the strength take your "stockpiled" meds to the pharmacy and hand them in. Take help where it is offered and keep posting.
 
Muttley said:
No lad, you are not. We value you on here, we worry when you are suffering, the world will always be a better place for you being in it. I remember the pleasure I got from reading about your trip up to watch us play with your P'Boro supporting friend. I genuinely did, it made me smile. Thank you for that. Stay with it, things will get better, you will get better.

If you have the strength take your "stockpiled" meds to the pharmacy and hand them in. Take help where it is offered and keep posting.
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Absolutely this. Everyone on here is behind you, Aet.
 
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