Best non vulgar insult

I love this line from Frasier and occasionally manage to paraphrase it when circumstances allow:

"Roger, at Cornell University they have an incredible piece of scientific equipment known as the Tunneling Electron Microscope. Now, this microscope is so powerful that by firing electrons you can actually see images of the atom, the infinitesimally minute building blocks of our universe. Roger, if I were using that microscope right now, I still wouldn't be able to locate my interest in your problem."
 
Your mother / girlfriend / sister etc is so hairy her armpits look like she has Don King in a headlock.
 
I quite like the one that my brother, aged five in the late 60s, used to my dad. It was the best he could come up, with seemingly after a lot of thought: “You snudging biffer.”
 
My greatest achievement is getting our Ohio based team to use 'stop talking b***ks' in meetings when someone has a daft idea.

That's amazing. "b***ks" was the other word I had to explain to him. I told him it was the UK equivalent to an American saying something was "BS"
 
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