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Dealers with segs were banned from my junior school as they scratched the floor in the hall. Anyone clip clopping into assembly would be ejected.

It’s difficult to imagine how to filter “non-football” content. I know it sounds flippant, but can we just put Up the Boro at the end of every post?

Afraid so.

That’s hardcore restraint! Do we need resealable bananas? Ha ha.

I’m glad apricots aren’t on my list!

Ha. Yes I usually try to apply the nausea criteria.

There are some things I always finish in one go, for example: Tin of beans Bottle of wine Large bag of crisps / cheese balls / Bacon Crispies Some things I have no problem having in instalments: Large bar of chocolate Pickled onions Large bag of peanuts is a difficult one for me. How do you...

I’m really Super Grover. But I don’t want everyone else on Sesame Street to find out.

Is this a thing?

Chris Wood

Fitz Hall

Yes. I got same.

Well who’s in charge? Currently billionaire undesirables like Musk. Maybe we should have a global vote for Master of the Web.

I like to drink as many cups of normal tea as I can get. Green tea seems to be the healthiest drink in the world. Also, liquorice tea is amazing. Intensely sweet with zero sugar.

Paid to do it, free bog roll and Candy doesn’t Crush itself! Win, win, win.

Just one card Neto Give it to me You must be joking No penalty!

Man: What’s the best cut of bacon? Butcher: Lean back. Man (leaning back): What’s the best cut of bacon?

When I see that Johnny Depp aftershave advert, I can’t stop thinking…it’s only one letter away from ‘Sausage’. Ha ha.

Sainsburys own brand, in a bowl, mixed with loads of good curry powder. Warm them in the microwave and tell yourself it’s authentic Indian street food. Now you’re fine dining on the cheap!