Brian Marwood
Well-known member
Happened to me when I was 19, completely heartbroken. 30 years later I saw her on Facebook and what a torrid mess she is now, definitely hasn't aged well like a fine wine.
Anger, hate, jealousy, revenge
- Thread starter Borotommo
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Colgates_shaving_foam
Well-known member
We've pretty much all been there.
When I was dumped at a similar age I recall it being the most horrible feeling ever, I've been through berevaments since and honestly the break up was right up there in terms of emotional turmoil.
Years later and with plenty of hindsight then I can see I had a lucky escape and things have turned out brilliantly. I am sure they will for your lad as well but definitely worth checking in and making doubly sure he's OK for the next few months, which I'm sure you will.
When I was dumped at a similar age I recall it being the most horrible feeling ever, I've been through berevaments since and honestly the break up was right up there in terms of emotional turmoil.
Years later and with plenty of hindsight then I can see I had a lucky escape and things have turned out brilliantly. I am sure they will for your lad as well but definitely worth checking in and making doubly sure he's OK for the next few months, which I'm sure you will.
American_Mary
Well-known member
Love will always break your heart at one time or another, the price you pay for the highs it brings are the lows you suffer when it leaves.
The irrational nature of love means we struggle to perspectivise and process what happens next, wanting not to want someone doesn't make it so, your feelings are still the same you've given the keys to your heart to someone and found they've changed the locks when you weren't looking and through the distorted prism that heartbreak brings to your world you will make mistakes; rebound, self protection, insularity, everything matters more than it should as you look for the reasons why. You change; brave faced and broken, shame faced and brazen, you become contradictory and complicated, discombobulated and head spun, your trust shredded, your confidence debased, all the well meaning words and sound advice of the close ignored and resented as you pedestalise a love that is always different and always special, you grapple with how something that felt so right for you felt so wrong for them. It's horrible, death has a definite end, no awkward bumps into, no mutual friends to split, no inadvertent updates or overheard gossip.
One day, out of the blue, things change, it could be days, it could be years, but it always happens, then you become embarrassed at your self absorbance, observe your folly with disdain and rue the chances you passed by, regret the moments wasted trying to prove them wrong instead of those who never lost faith or found the grass greener right.
I speak from experience, I let go too late and didn't move on without looking back for too long, it damaged my relationships and changed me into someone I wasn't for a while, the advice of clean breaks and new starts is the best on offer, tell him that he needs to bring himself closure and that sometimes rights and wrongs don't exist, just differences, tell him about kintsugi; the Japanese art of repairing pottery with gold, and their belief that every time you’re broken the healing makes you more valuable and precious.
He will be ok, it might take a while and at times his myopia might be infuriating but whatever patience, care and kindness you show he'll never forget and will always appreciate.
The irrational nature of love means we struggle to perspectivise and process what happens next, wanting not to want someone doesn't make it so, your feelings are still the same you've given the keys to your heart to someone and found they've changed the locks when you weren't looking and through the distorted prism that heartbreak brings to your world you will make mistakes; rebound, self protection, insularity, everything matters more than it should as you look for the reasons why. You change; brave faced and broken, shame faced and brazen, you become contradictory and complicated, discombobulated and head spun, your trust shredded, your confidence debased, all the well meaning words and sound advice of the close ignored and resented as you pedestalise a love that is always different and always special, you grapple with how something that felt so right for you felt so wrong for them. It's horrible, death has a definite end, no awkward bumps into, no mutual friends to split, no inadvertent updates or overheard gossip.
One day, out of the blue, things change, it could be days, it could be years, but it always happens, then you become embarrassed at your self absorbance, observe your folly with disdain and rue the chances you passed by, regret the moments wasted trying to prove them wrong instead of those who never lost faith or found the grass greener right.
I speak from experience, I let go too late and didn't move on without looking back for too long, it damaged my relationships and changed me into someone I wasn't for a while, the advice of clean breaks and new starts is the best on offer, tell him that he needs to bring himself closure and that sometimes rights and wrongs don't exist, just differences, tell him about kintsugi; the Japanese art of repairing pottery with gold, and their belief that every time you’re broken the healing makes you more valuable and precious.
He will be ok, it might take a while and at times his myopia might be infuriating but whatever patience, care and kindness you show he'll never forget and will always appreciate.
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Pure poetry, though not in verse.
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Jannizart
Active member
And we all know that in five, ten or twenty years time he’ll be grateful she did. You don’t need ties when you’re off to uni
Norfolkred1
Well-known member
I did the dumping at around the same age, I had just joined up and it was a constant 'when are you coming home' I thought no, not having it. years later found out she ahs been married 3 times, I could have been a victim.
And those are the kind of stories that he needs to be told.
I was engaged many years ago and she dumped me.
She's by herself now after two failed marriages and can't keep the minge to one man at a time. Has 3 kids to 3 different blokes and when she left me she had an abortion without telling me. I found out it was mainly because she wasn't sure who the father was.
So I'm another with a very lucky escape.
DanJC
Active member
Give him a cuddle from me mate @Borotommo. He may be hurting now and probably will for a while, but at least he's been aware in good time that he's free to find a girl that is equally committed to him.
Ian Bairds Ears
Well-known member
"Observe your own folly with disdain..."
what a fab line that is Mary...Thought provoking post.
Have to say you stand out on here as a 1st class contributor...are you involved in the written word as an occupation?
Borotommo
Well-known member
That is a stunning piece of awareness. Thank you A-M.
I just got a video off him from last night’s “neon” party, and looks like he’s having a blast.
thanks to all of you for your caring thoughts. It helps me to help him to know he’s not the first and won’t be the last
Borotommo
Well-known member
Thank you!Give him a cuddle from me mate @Borotommo. He may be hurting now and probably will for a while, but at least he's been aware in good time that he's free to find a girl that is equally committed to him.
HarryVegas
Well-known member
My thoughts entirely
petrio
Active member
Firstly, he's 18 now?!?!?!?! Wow!
Secondly, we've pretty much all been there. I was. Went out with a girl for a year, when aged 17-18. We were, at one point, deeply in love (both of us). a few months down the line and it was more me than her. She came around one night and tried the whole 'think we should take a break' thing. A few weeks later I was knocking about with another girl and bumped into her in a pub. She came out with 'well, you don't hang about do you?'
Anyway, long story short, it was for the best. Each and every break up and each and every relationship has taught me something.
Now happily married for 12 years.
I saw the girl from years ago, at a food festival a few years back. The setting was apt as she's now massive!
Scrug
Well-known member
Beautiful stuff - however, if I had suffered a heartbreak at 18 and somebody started chatting to me about Kintsugi I’d have smashed a lamp over their head. He may be a better man than I however.
American_Mary
Well-known member
Far too kind but thank you
Thank you, I was working as a freelance journalist when the events above occurred, I thought reinvention, including a career change, was a good idea at the time, journalism's gain was engineering's loss, more recently I had started to do more, in no small part due to the positive comments and encouragement from people on here, it was mainly travel stuff so pandemic has impacted that but certainly would like to do more as it's a genuine love, I think it's that passion, rather than any real talent, that maybe makes it different."Observe your own folly with disdain..."
Thought provoking post.
Have to say you stand out on here as a 1st class contributor...are you involved in the written word as an occupation?
Thank you BT, I'm glad he seems to be throwing himself into Uni life and trying to move forward, letting go of someone you love doesn't free them but it does free you and a life well lived is the best response to any break up.That is a stunning piece of awareness. Thank you A-M.
I just got a video off him from last night’s “neon” party, and looks like he’s having a blast.
thanks to all of you for your caring thoughts. It helps me to help him to know he’s not the first and won’t be the last
Fair point, Scrug, kintsugi isn't a subject that should be broached at emotional moments without first making sure all breakables are out of reach, especially those with far eastern motifs.
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