ADHD in adults

Fern Brady's autobiography, "Strong Female Character" provides a highly informative insight into how folk suffer through ADHD. As well as being informative and moving, being Fern Brady it's also funny. The character that comes out of it all most admirably is her mother.
 
Last edited:
Growing up I was always horrendous with what I've learned to be classic ADHD symptoms that were always just explained away as normal.

Some examples would be leaving keys/wallets on busses or misplaced around the house. One time I left all my belongings on a train in my bag when I went back to uni.. Parents said I was careless/didn't value my possessions

I'd watch a film and have no recollection of quotes or scenes that my friends would recall easily - "your brain just doesn't work that way"

Lost interest in classes and didn't do homework or got to the end of a task and couldn't bring myself to finish it (still happens) - "you're lazy/class clown"

looking for things in a cupboard or draw that I could never find, regardless of how long I looked. Mum comes along finds it instantly, accuses me of having a 'man look'

I constantly double book myself then awkwardly have to cancel plans close to the date when I get reminded.

Anyway I've recently been diagnosed with inattentive ADHD. I came across some symptoms and did some research and the more I read the more it fit the bill.
I attended a help group before I sought diagnosis to see other people's experiences as I was worried I was 'making it up' and wasting the doctor's time.

I then took the adult ADHD self screening tool on the ADHD UK website which was the final prompt to see the GP (who funnily enough used the same questionnaire to see if I needed referral). Referral times in Teesside can be years but if you ask to go down the 'right to choose pathway' it was 6 months. This is effectively private providers giving ADHD on behalf of the NHS and paid for by the NHS (another example of quiet privatisation of NHS services, but it's there so why not take advantage) I've been put on the titration list for meds but that's another 7 months...

I think the jist is a lot of these things can be normal or explained away. But if the frequency of these behaviours are often enough to effect you ever day or effect your quality of life then that's when it's probably a condition of sorts.

I've developed coping mechanisms like keeping keys on a retractable cord or writing lists of the tasks that need doing. I keep a diary on excel 'cause the input is quick and easy and additionally my girlfriend has access so she can make plans involving us both so I don't double book (using a diary app has too many steps so despite trying I'd never end up using it).

Hope this encourages you to try and find your solutions, happy to help in anyway I can/offer advice if needed :)
 
Littlejimmy said:
A really good and honest thread.
Click to expand...

Agreed.

I remember when I was at 6th form, back in the 90's and probably before ADHD was regularly recognised in adults, My Computer Science teacher watched me for an hour (without me knowing) and told me how many times I'd been distracted or lost focus (it was a lot) as she'd picked up on my lack of attention and focus.

At the time I just thought "oh that's interesting" rather than doing anything with the information, and I still got an A for my A-level, but I wish I'd thought more about her observations at the time.
 
Thing is also I'm currently unemployed, and I think this is going to be life changing in regards work, I have absolutely no idea what to do, surely employers can't turn you down for having adhd? And there must be tools put in place to help you?
 
GibbosEmpire said:
I'm 35 and recently I've been diagnosed with adhd, and it explains a lot, especially during school, with work and in relationships. Does anyone else have it, and if so how did those around you take to it? It's kind of annoying I've gone this long without knowing.
Click to expand...

My eldest now 34 - At 7 he was diagnosed with Asperger’s and at 15 they reversed it - he was all over the place.
He has now got his ADHD diagnosis

It’s helped us all

On a recent trip to Bologna we were in a tiny food market trying to organise lunch. It was buzzing.
I looked up and saw him and his partner outside have a bit of a chat.
Went out to see them and he just said ‘I can’t cope in there’

He started offering excuses but we just looked at each other and I said - ‘it’s ok, you don’t need to do that any more’
We hugged and they went off to find a quiet restaurant.

Told the rest of the family and we all got it.

The only watch out was they were quite keen to gI’ve him medication when he was diagnosed.
he chose not to take it but they were pushy
 
GibbosEmpire said:
I'm 35 and recently I've been diagnosed with adhd, and it explains a lot, especially during school, with work and in relationships. Does anyone else have it, and if so how did those around you take to it? It's kind of annoying I've gone this long without knowing.
Click to expand...
Yes. Recently told. Btw I’m 47. It’s a funny thing finding out, a combination of a light bulb moment of clarity and understanding but also a huge degree of frustration. Also fear for the future
 
Thanks for your post Gibbo's Empire. When it comes to your employment prospects, I think Sneekers' post is very relevant: people who have ADHD are invariably great company - but you usually struggle with the mundane elements of employment. For your long-term career goals I would bear this in mind. How can you exploit your people skills - yet not be overwhelmed by the demand that you organise and prioritise lists of boring tasks? It's not easy, but bear in mind recent research which PROVES that people with ADHD are more creative thinkers. And if the solution requires you to retrain, ensure the learning provider makes reasonable adjustments for your ADHD.
Please remember you have superpowers, Gibbo's Empire: your easy way with others; your ability to hyperfocus; your ability to find creative solutions - especially in a crisis - etc. As the ADHD podcaster (and founder of UNILAD) Alex Partridge said recently, if it wasn't for the ADHD members of tribes finding creative solutions, humanity would've never made those huge creative leaps it did. It was definitely an undiagnosed ADHD neolithic person who came up with the wheel! Take heart from the huge amount of brilliant and enormously successful ADHD sufferers out there, and work with your diagnosis to better understand yourself and your set of attributes and skills.
 
Last edited:
equaliser said:
Thanks for your post Gibbo's Empire. When it comes to your employment prospects, I think Sneekers' post is very relevant: people who have ADHD are invariably great company - but you usually struggle with the mundane elements of employment. For your long-term career goals I would bear this in mind. How can you exploit your people skills - yet not be overwhelmed by the demand that you organise and prioritise lists of boring tasks? it's not easy, but bear in mind recent research which PROVES that people with ADHD are more creative thinkers. And if the solution requires you to retrain, ensure the learning provider makes reasonable adjustments for your ADHD.
Please remember you have superpowers, Gibbo's Empire: your easy way with others; your ability to hyperfocus; your ability to find creative solutions - especially in a crisis - etc. As the ADHD podcaster (and founder of UNILAD) Alex Partridge said recently, if it wasn't for the ADHD members of tribes finding creative solutions, humanity would've never made those huge creative leaps it did. it was definitely an undiagnosed ADHD neolithic person who came up with the wheel! Take heart from the huge amount of brilliant and enormously successful ADHD sufferers out there, and work with your diagnosis to better understand yourself and your set of attributes and skills.
Click to expand...
Thankyou that's a really helpful post. For the last 6 years I've worked my way up to be fast food manager, which I loved and hated but hospitality isn't for me anymore, I'm going to try something left field, little less stressful.
 
I had a discussion with a friend recently who has just self-diagnosed himself with ADHD. He's a doctor so not just an internet quack. It explains a lot of things. He is incredibly forgetful, late for everything, terrible organiser, gets distracted easily etc but he is also hyper focused which has helped him when studying. He's changed the way he does things to manage it and really improved the things that particularly affect other people like lateness. It doesn't have to be debilitating. Managing the negative things and taking advantage of the positive ones is possible.

After talking to him I realise I have a few traits. I suppose it is a spectrum so everyone is on there somewhere. Reading some of people's experiences here I recognise things in me. I am extremely efficient in the way I work, when I'm working, but I take ages to get started on anything and I procrastinate chronically. I get really over-involved in new hobbies all the time and then abandon them and move on to the next. Not something that really affects me or is an issue thankfully.

It's really fascinating how different people are and it's really all about recognising that you do things differently and managing that and also everyone's responsibility to recognise that everyone does things differently and not try to force everyone to comply with a specific thing
 
GibbosEmpire said:
I'm 35 and recently I've been diagnosed with adhd, and it explains a lot, especially during school, with work and in relationships. Does anyone else have it, and if so how did those around you take to it? It's kind of annoying I've gone this long without knowing.
Click to expand...
Work.. love it when I can do three people’s jobs, teach myself new skills without them having to pay a consultant. Looks good when I kick off if things aren’t done how I want them.. unless it’s with the bosses! Deadlines are left right to the last minute with everything and if I’m not given a a strict comprehensive deadline.. like official written down, it doesn’t get done unfortunately.
Friends.. impulsive and throw everything into wanting to do new stuff, say yes to everything, have lots of interests and am utter dopamine fiend.. always up for a drink. Arguments will only go one way and if I don’t see friends regularly they get forgotten about.
Family.. great when it’s great, but know to keep their heads down if I kick off.. loyal, fun and handy to throw at a neighbour for a barney.

It’s a blessing and a curse, feels almost like a superpower.. but one with secret conditions that render that superpower practically useless.
 
I was tested for it after a 2 year wait and I was diagnosed as "no". I felt the process was half arsed and I wasn't taken seriously. (2 therapists and a MH Nurse thought I have it).
Nothing I can do now, so I have to just crack on
 
Today I had confirmation that I have ADHD. Not really surprising but have a ton of mixed feelings about it. Whilst I'm relieved to finally know there's a reason for the way I've been and how I've behaved and why my personality is the way it is, I'm also pretty sad about the way my life could have been different if I only knew much earlier and could have had treatment earlier. I found my old secondary school report from the '80s recently and it's just reading people diagnosing it without knowing what it was. But they didn't, so nobody can be blamed.

A lot to absorb. I can't take the usual meds with my medical conditions but will be referred for CBT. I've got to make the best I can of it.
 
GibbosEmpire said:
My girlfriend noticed it first, she'll be talking to me and my eyes wander and I couldn't focus at all, when I was at school I'd always leave work to the last minute, id be doing homrwork at 4am.
In my room I have a closet, which is jam-packed full of stuff, none of it organised just thrown in for later when I have to do it. I'm extremely forgetful, lost a camera, pair of headphones, my passport just to name a few things because I've left them on buses or trains. My organisation skills are appalling.
My friends or family would say I'm so careless, to the point its like I have no empathy with anyone. Tend to start new tasks without finishing previous ones.
Click to expand...
Jesus Christ Gibbos you are a carbon copy of me! I’ve only just realised I’ve got it about 6 months ago…. Self diagnosed. When I work I have to set a timer to concentrate for 30 mins… then I allow myself to google all of the random things I thought about in those 30 mins. Send me a DM be good to chat about it
 
Norman_Conquest said:
I worked with students who had ADHD and I feel some of us (not all) may have some traits of it in us but have learned to cope with it throughout our lives.

Myself, I am the opposite of what is described above, I am super organised and cannot be late for anything. If I start a job it's got to be completed to the best of my ability or I will start again. I started woodturning some years back and will spend hours sanding any imperfections in the wood out. Yet when I am working in my workshop I end up with tools everywhere and have to stop and tidy them away before I can continue.

I do struggle to pay attention to other people, I find myself drifting off and due to this I really struggled in school. I have a terrible temper that I've learned to control and was mainly triggered when I couldn't explain myself. I cannot sit still for long and have always got to be on the go. Last night, my son came round to see us and whilst we were sat in the garden talking I got up and started weeding the borders. He was in midsentence talking to me but I had spotted a weed and couldn't settle until I had pulled it out.

Later in life, I went back to college and university and really had to work hard to concentrate to qualify as a counsellor. Often I would find myself drifting off into my own little world and would lose the thread of what was going on around me.

I wouldn't say I have ADHD but my wife always says that these days if I was at school I would be on the spectrum.

Having worked with students with ADHD, I feel for anyone who does have it no matter what their age is.
Click to expand...
A lot of this relates to me too, I'm also super organisised and the the weed resonates with me also. I've spent ages making our garden 'perfect' and can't enjoy it because there is always something I need to sort. Same inside the house, complete perfectionist to the point where I just can't relax until everything is done. I work off a to-do list which initially helped me (offloading things to remember to do) but now I am obsessed with keeping it empty. It has its advantages, I am organised and things that need doing get done, but it can interfere with happiness or cause disruption to life. Can't really tell the lads I'm late because the hallway needed hoovering! Never really thought to get help, oddly part of me doesn't want to change. Never thought to label it as ADHD (need to understand more about what that is) but I am probably on the spectrum slightly. The older I get though the more I realise noone is 'normal'. Nearly everyone has anxieties but affects people in different ways.
 
Last edited:
OneJonOnTeesside said:
A lot of this relates to me too, I'm also super organisised and the the weed resonates with me also. I've spent ages making our garden 'perfect' and can't enjoy it because there is always something I need to sort. Same inside the house, complete perfectionist to the point where I just can't relax until everything is done. I work off a to-do list which initially helped me (offloading things to remember to do) but now I am obsessed with keeping it empty. It has its advantages, I am organised and things that need doing get done, but it can interfere with happiness or cause disruption to life. Can't really tell the lads I'm late because the hallway needed hoovering! Never really thought to get help, oddly part of me doesn't want to change. Never thought to label it as ADHD (need to understand more about what that is) but I am probably on the spectrum slightly. The older I get though the more I realise noone is 'normal'. Nearly everyone has anxieties but affects people in different ways.
Click to expand...
The psychologist I spoke to today explained that there is a spectrum of ADHD not just among people but individually. We can go through periods without any symptoms and then other periods where it affects us badly.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top