Recent content by Fantastic News of Boro

Afternoon update. It turns out that rocket science is really difficult after all and they were all just lying to us to distract from other things like geography, woodwork and cricket.

Have we been mislead all these years? Well, it bloody well looks like it. 'Although, I’m not saying it’s easy like, say, learning History, Sociology or Business Studies,' commented Kevin Carmichael, a leading Middlesbrough rocket scientist.'...

Afternoon update : Because it's so cold, both sides, Linthorpe and Acklam, have agreed that the Tipsy Cow and the Linny are actually absolutely brilliant pubs and their landlords are the best in the world. What happens when the weather gets warmer, though, is anyone's guess.

'When will it ever end?' This is what some people are asking. 'We don't know', reply some other people. 'Then, one day Cassidy, who had remained true to his word for the whole 52 years, turned up and said he was stopping the pigs.'...

Morning update. It has been confirmed that Andy does indeed dye his hair, but any suggestions that he also wears a wig are completely unfounded.

What was he thinking? We'll probably never know but he must have been thinking something. 'At FNOM, we are more shocked than outraged, although that shock does occasionally become outrage when we’re so shocked we become outraged but, thankfully, after several cups of tea and a ginger biscuit...

Late morning update : Police have just released 3 new pieces of information. Firstly, they believe that the mysterious creature speaks fluent mandarin or cantonese, they're not sure which, but are 73% certain it's not from anywhere near China. Secondly, the giant footprint is 9 feet long and 3...

Don't worry. Just don't go to Albert Park because we have absolutely no idea where the mysterious creature is, and it could be there, so don't go unless, of course, you just want to have a nice walk. 'An eyewitness said, 'I thought at the time that if this thing leaves a footprint somewhere...

Evening update. Linda Pocket, the owner of Happy Linda's parmo factory in South Bank, has just said that the actual value of the stolen parmos is only £502,674, not the £509,674 that was originally reported and with the extra £7,000 worth of parmos she's got, she's going to have an absolutely...

Shocking news and it looks like the culprits may well get away with it. Come on the Police. 'Police criminal profiler, Jesse Jameson, said, ‘Although we have no descriptions of the robbers at the moment, you can bet your bottom dollar that these are people who really really like parmos, know...

Thank you, Centralscrutinizer. We thought it was interesting too which is why we decided to publish the story. Were there any bits you find more interesting than the others?

It shouldn't happen but it does. Anyway, good news. Since the publication of this story, over 23,647 people have signed the petition to get the name changed from Devil's Bridge to Devils' Bridge. Democracy in action and let's hope the authorities stand up and are accounted for.

It's never easy to hear a challenge to something we've accepted for hundreds of years but sometimes we just have to listen. 'He further claims that rather than being ‘completely useless’, Hilda was actually the most able and talented of the 3 devils and was simply not given enough recognition...

Early morning update. It has been now been officially confirmed by official sources that Andy has been having early morning meet ups with Glen Durrant and, according to less official sources, or unofficial ones, has had seventeen 9 dart finishes in the last week alone. Go on, Andy.

Is it right that a former mayor of anywhere, let alone Middlesbrough, should become a professional darts player? We don't know but the facts are here. 'Rumours that he might become a firefighter were quickly extinguished when pictures emerged of him refusing to climb a ladder and failing to...