A thread about habits in the smallest room

newyddion said:
Had on interesting moment last Friday night/Saturday morning I was drifting in and out of sleep with some discomfort in my tummy.. whilst asleep I felt my anal lips open and a warning shart crept out.. shocked I woke to make my way to the toilet.. upon arrival the entire contents of my bowels were emptied in what can only be describes as a shat cannon explosion.. todd everywhere.. I had the clean the seat and under the lid before wearily making my way back to bed under the cover of darkness.. I wore my sharted undies inside out in an attempt to cover my shame.. they were binned upon the realisation of the atrocity that had been bestowed upon me.
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My better half is like that every morning - I'm really envious of how regular she is - I've no need of an alarm clock. I'm really envious as I waste so much of my life sat on the loo, I could read Moby Dïck in one sitting.
 
newyddion said:
I mean there’s being regular and there’s having a haunted colon than opens the curtains while your sound asleep!
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I lied in that last post. I had a terrible time of it not so long ago. No idea what caused it but it went on for weeks and I never wanted to be too far away from a toilet because it seemed like my @rse was out to get me. Thankfully that seems to have sorted itself out now.
 
bumface said:
I lied in that last post. I had a terrible time of it not so long ago. No idea what caused it but it went on for weeks and I never wanted to be too far away from a toilet because it seemed like my @rse was out to get me. Thankfully that seems to have sorted itself out now.
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I feel like my body betrayed me.

Understandable if I was I’ll or a eaten something dodgy.. this was like a revenge attack!
 
newyddion said:
I feel like my body betrayed me.

Understandable if I was I’ll or a eaten something dodgy.. this was like a revenge attack!
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It was the dog who suffered the most. I didn't dare to take him out for his usual long walks when all of that was going on. I even missed a couple of games because of it.
 
wyliefan said:
Sitty down wees are great.
Can't see any reason to stand up to wipe poo though 🤔
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This in itself is getting interesting. Because we never discuss this, we are unaware that people might do things in a way that seems a bit odd to us. So far there is a 50/50 split on this issue alone.
 
I have, indeed, started to pee sitting down. Not always, but often. My reason for starting was that I had noticed an increasing tendency towards aiming badly - a wider spread of spray if you will. I was getting fed up having to wipe up after myself. Even got to the point of keeping a bottle of detox by the toilet . I really am in the elite- the top 5 % (?) in the toilet etiquette game. Not a comfortable place to be…

As an aside, I thought this was a problem brought on by age but, last Christmas Day I was at my in-laws with four other males, three under 25. Have to tell you the state of the toilet rim that day was eye-opening. Yellow river by Christy should have been playing in the background.

Anyway, back to sitting down. Don’t you think that, after a life time of not doing this, it brings a challenge in re-educating your mind and body to know what is going on? I mean, whenever I sat on the toilet in the past, in was to torpedo the ceramics, and that reflex just wants to kick in.

Does anybody know if that impulse passes and I will be able to happily settle for a quick, relaxed sit down pee?

Wish i’d said i was asking for a friend…😊
 
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My shart related incident I can recently recall was being out walking the dog (not a euphemism) and as I reached the furthest distance and turned for home I let out a gentle fart. I realised straight away that this was like the steam rising from the caldera of a long dormant volcano, an eruption was imminent. Twenty minutes from home I waddled home like a fkken penguin, asre cheeks locked together in fierce determination. I could not even bound up the stairs, dog lead dropped in the hall I had to sort of shuffled and bunny-hopped up the stairs. As I sat down on t' throne Vesuvius was released. To quote Arthur Wellesley, Duke of Wellington "the nearest run thing you ever saw in your life"
 
Red_is_best said:
I have, indeed, started to pee standing up. Not always, but often. My reason for starting was that I had noticed an increasing tendency towards aiming badly - a wider spread of spray if you will. I was getting fed up having to wipe up after myself. Even got to the point of keeping a bottle of detox by the toilet . I really am in the elite- the top 5 % (?) in the toilet etiquette game. Not a comfortable place to be…

As an aside, I thought this was a problem brought on by age but, last Christmas Day I was at my in-laws with four other males, three under 25. Have to tell you the state of the toilet rim that day was eye-opening. Yellow river by Christy should have been playing in the background.

Anyway, back to sitting down. Don’t you think that, after a life time of not doing this, it brings a challenge in re-educating your mind and body to know what is going on? I mean, whenever I sat on the toilet in the past, in was to torpedo the ceramics, and that reflex just wants to kick in.

Does anybody know if that impulse passes and I will be able to happily settle for a quick, relaxed sit down pee?

Wish i’d said i was asking for a friend…😊
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I presume you meant that you have started sitting down.

And yes, it's possible after time to sit down for a number 1 without precipitating number 2 movement.
 
Muttley said:
My shart related incident I can recently recall was being out walking the dog (not a euphemism) and as I reached the furthest distance and turned for home I let out a gentle fart. I realised straight away that this was like the steam rising from the caldera of a long dormant volcano, an eruption was imminent. Twenty minutes from home I waddled home like a fkken penguin, asre cheeks locked together in fierce determination. I could not even bound up the stairs, dog lead dropped in the hall I had to sort of shuffled and bunny-hopped up the stairs. As I sat down on t' throne Vesuvius was released. To quote Arthur Wellesley, Duke of Wellington "the nearest run thing you ever saw in your life"
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This is not an uncommon occurrence for runners.
 
borolad259 said:
I presume you meant that you have started sitting down.

And yes, it's possible after time to sit down for a number 1 without precipitating number 2 movement.
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Will I get banned if I post that K*nt and the Gang song? It is called 'Sit Down Wee' but the album title is a bit rude.
 
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