Dad Jokes - all welcome!

[Unravel_Morrison]

An Irishman goes into a bar in Canada.
The barman greets him and says " what brings you to Canada?"
The Irishman replies, "I was in my local pub in Dublin and on my beer mat it said 'drink Canada dry' - so I thought I'll give it a go."

Great line, attributed to George Best but stolen from Brendan Behan.

George Best - I used to go missing a lot; Miss Canada, Miss United Kingdom, Miss World.......

 

[VladKinder]

Concern is growing for 11 Men still missing in London.
They were last seen around 8pm last night wearing a Man Utd kit.

 

[Lefty]

Catflaps are what dyslexic yorkshiremen wear.

 

[VladKinder]

 

[Gramsci]

Catflaps are what dyslexic yorkshiremen wear.

The one called Dr. Spooner?

 

[ThePrisoner]

https://twitter.com/x/status/1787862352446001359

 

[ThePrisoner]

https://twitter.com/x/status/1787862158551679149

 

[SweetLF]

As seaside towns go, Redcar is one in vermillion

 

[NorthumberlandBoro]

Just had a copper knock on the door saying that he was looking for a man with one eye.I said “Try using both, you'll probably find him quicker...”

 

[El Guapo]

A Yorkshireman's dog dies, and as it was a favourite pet, he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog. Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?" Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?" Yorkshireman: "Nay lad, I want it chewin' a bone, yer daft b***r!"

 

[festa5]

Have you heard about the new drugs craze sweeping Yorkshire?

Apparently you inject ecstacy straight into your inner mouth.

It's known as E by gum.

 

[JohnCraggs1973]

Paddy won the lottery and bought a very expensive car.
Going down the motorway the car broke down.
He 'phoned the breakdown company and they said "just a few questions so we can help you, firstly what gear were you in?"
Paddy replies "just the usual, donkey jacket and wellies."

 

[Lefty]

 

[dooderooni]

Why can't the French eat more than one egg?
Because one is un œuf.

 

[SmallTown]

My favourite condiment is Worcestershire sauce.

Why? It's hard to say